For the Love of God - Identifying and Receiving God's Love

Table of Contents

God’s Love: An Overt Revelation

An embarrassing portion of things I’ve “learned” in recovery from sex addiction have been merely embracing and sensing things that were encircling me all along. Epiphanies can’t necessarily be planned, and their unprecedented arrival can be both invigorating and humbling.

Rote Routine

Throughout my life, I’ve consistently heard the message that God loves me. I’ve read it in the Bible. I’ve heard it in sermons, podcasts, seminars, classes, Bible studies, AWANA, youth group…you get the picture. On one hand, I’m grateful for this relentless repetition. My ever-developing mind often requires numerous attempts to grasp a concept. But what if I get it, but I don’t get it? What if my cognizance is a lush garden, while my heart is a dumpster fire?

I can recite from memory a collection of scripture that indisputably declares God’s unconditional love for me. Yes, for everyone, but also me as an individual. What do I typically do with this information? Accept it, and move on. A fleeting reflection tantamount to “that’s nice,” followed by a swift return to ordinary—yet more tangible—daily life.

Immediately apparent is a fatal deficit of appropriate response. Pastors and other well-intentioned speakers perpetually try to inspire their audience to receive this unfathomable gift of God’s love, only to have it taken home as a soon-forgotten souvenir from the Sunday sermon. I’m that audience. It’s me.

Where’s the Chemistry?

While I was not endowed with boast-worthy intelligence, I’m assured of my cognitive installation of this knowledge that God loves me as an individual. I’ve been taught this so many times that it feels like retaking a 101 class after getting your PhD. It’s redundant. It just doesn’t move me as it should. Consider the following:

2 KNO₃ + S + 3 C → K₂S + N₂ + 3 CO₂

Do you know what this is? It is a simplified equation for fireworks blowing up—the combustion of gunpowder. The dazzling flashes of color amidst the thunderous claps are a multi-sensory experience that mystifies and entrances.

That equation up there? Not so mystifying, not so entrancing. The knowledge of the chemistry and the experience of it are vastly different. I’m reluctant to admit that hearing sermons or reading verses about how much God loves me can feel like reading that equation.

Callous to God’s Love

What am I saying here? I want to be clear that this is my experience at times. Hearing the same story a thousand times has left me bored, numb, and empty. Then, I feel bad that I don’t feel the depth of gratitude and awe I ought to when I hear God loves me. Maybe I’m not totally alone here.

Words on a page certainly have the power to induce profound feelings. But this result is not guaranteed. God knows this. Perhaps that’s why He gave us more than the written Word. I know He desires a relationship with me. Sometimes, maybe I keep Him at arm’s length like a roommate you procure just to split the rent. That entity is needed and valued on some level, but friendship bracelets are not in the picture.

I suppose I’m self-incriminating in this post. But the point here is not to shame myself. I’m trying to understand the why behind my difficulty in receiving God’s love.

A Paradoxical Conundrum

Shame is likely a major component at play. I’m nobody special, and I’ve had experiences in which “love” was hard to trust. A deficit in sources of genuine love is also part of my story. This twofold guarding puts me in a tough spot. I believe I’m undeserving of the love shown to me, and I am skeptical of its legitimacy.

In a paradoxical conundrum, I often deflect and shirk direct praise for fear of appearing prideful. Because to accept a compliment means I’m conceited, right? What’s humorous is to consider when I’m on the other end, offering the praise. If the intended recipient doesn’t receive it, I feel robbed of the joy, connection, and shared experience. We could have just had a moment—me blessing you, you feeling blessed, and me being blessed by you feeling blessed—but it was preemptively snatched away. Is this how others feel when I shrink back from affirmation?

When it comes to God, he offers a love that no human being ever could. He doesn’t love me because I’m so great and have praiseworthy accomplishments to my name. No, His love is not affected by my paltry accolades. Nor is it impacted by my cornucopia of transgressions. This is real, complete, supernatural love.

Well, there’s my mini-sermon on God’s love. Ironically, this medium of written language is precisely what I’ve been arguing is lacking in its power to convince me I am loved by God.

Identifying God’s Love

Now that I’ve thoroughly trapped myself, I’d like to acknowledge a spot of hope. God’s indescribable power renders Him capable of conveying His love to us, wholly and completely, through any conduit. I fully accept that the obstacles reside within me. My life experience and nurturing of doubt and cynicism have landed me in this place. But you know what? God meets me where I am.

I’ve experienced God’s love in the beauty of nature more in the past 2-3 years than I have in my whole life prior. Sitting in awe of creation (especially its sea creatures, kitties, oceans, and birds) and connecting with it on a personal level has revealed to me the gentle, nurturing, loving aspects of God. With that said, I’m still growing in my consistency to acknowledge these gifts as messages of love.

If I am experiencing these moments of rich love, feeling seen and chosen by God, then what’s the problem? Sometimes, I feel like it’s not enough. In my default mental compartmentalization of life, I sequester time to receive God’s love away from real life—working, commuting, grocery shopping, doing chores, playing pickleball poorly, etc. Well, no wonder it’s not enough; I’m making myself available to accept God’s love for a mere fraction of the day. Granted, it’s much easier to hear God’s voice and feel His presence on a mellow Saturday than it is on the battlefield of the workday.

Can You Spot the Fake?

While there’s nothing I can do to earn more of God’s love, there are actions I can take to place myself in its trajectory. This is something I am committing to working on. It’s so much easier to find counterfeit love in the form of attention from other women. But I can confirm, this is a fleeting, empty substitute that does not nourish me.

True affirmation feels vulnerable; it includes being seen and known. I deeply yearn for this, yet it can also feel scary to receive. Someone has infiltrated past my outer defenses and discovered something within me to offer this poignant praise. When I can lean in and embrace that affirmation, taking the risk of allowing myself to be seen and known, I am filled up and content.

This is a great litmus test for ascertaining the legitimacy of praise. Flattery leaves you wanting more, hustling to acquire the next hit. This fleeting adoration is superficial and doesn’t require being truly known; therefore, it is easier and feels “safer” to receive. Genuine praise strikes a chord deep in the heart. It fulfills and can even overflow onto other people—a gift that keeps on giving.

God’s love can appear in many forms. Verbal affirmation from others is but one conduit of His perfect love (albeit through an imperfect vessel). He is a good father who knows the desires of our hearts. We don’t deserve this gift of love, but God deems us worthy of receiving it as His children. Let’s kick shame to the curb, and get blasted by this gift, for the Love of God.

For outside reading:
The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen