Well, Let’s Get Started

I have been plagued by trepidation, starting and re-starting the first lines of this initial blog post. What if I am being foolish in trying to share my personal journey? What if my story isn’t significant enough? What if nobody ever reads it? Maybe this whole idea is stupid.

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME

I wish I could say I had found the Cure to all addiction and the Answer to some of life’s toughest adversities we men face. I wish I could advertise that I have completed the arduous ascent of recovery and transformation, finally having arrived at the pinnacle of wholeness, maturity, and personal development.

I am no longer tempted by my old addictions. I always take the route of humility and understanding when in conflict. I have a perfect marriage and perfect relationships. Now, listen up, because I can bestow my infinite knowledge on you.

EVERYTHING IS NOT AWESOME

As wonderful as it would be to achieve the human impossibility of becoming self-actualized and fully enlightened, free from the trivial struggles of mankind, I am nowhere even close. I will never get to that point. And, sorry to say it, neither will you. Are you feeling encouraged yet?

Here’s the thing: this inherent lack of capacity for perfection has a few implications. First, it means that we are all on a journey. Nobody can say they have made it to the top of the mountain and conquered life. This means that you and I are both somewhere along the same path–still pushing, one step ahead of the other. As such, we are posited to spurn each other on, offering encouragement when we feel knee deep in the you-know-what (mud, obviously).

Second, if nobody ever achieves perfection, why even try? This could be a blog post all on its own (sound of scribbling notes in the background). I mention this now because it has been weighing heavily on me recently. I’ve made progress by leaps and bounds since I first began my trek of addiction recovery and personal reformation. Now, as I ever so meekly begin this blog, I’m asking myself, “Why? Why keep going?”

When I was a kid (a hundred years ago), I righteously and repeatedly launched the following argument at my mom: My room is just going to get messy again, so why should I clean it? I suppose this was one of my first tangles with philosophical frustration and existentialism. The point is, if there is no ultimate end-goal, no possibility of completion, what IS the point?

WHAT’S THE POINT

If you have found my page, you may already have a good reason to better yourself. I’ve known people who have lost precious relationships, compromised their marriage, lost their job, and sunk into despair and despondency because of the choices they have made in their addiction. There is pain to avoid from these external consequences to poor life choices, and then there are internal motivators to gain something valuable within yourself.

Sure, being punished for aberrant behavior sucks. A major consequence can be the wake up call needed to get you started, but if your sole motivation for correcting a deviance in your life continues to be to avoid getting the figurative paddle, then your resolve will invariably run out.

This desire, this impetus, for challenging and overcoming your current way of life, must come from within. No longer are we children trying to obey mommy and daddy in order to avoid discipline or receive affirmation. We are grown-ass men.

Side note: age does not naturally bring wisdom. I work with the geriatric population for my job, and I can say that old folks can be as dysfunctional and foolish as the rest of us. No, without intentionality, wisdom does not simply fall in one’s lap. With that said, this process is not one of sitting idle while subscribing to hogwash like, “time heals all wounds.”

GET TO THE POINT ALREADY

Okay, I had an unholy amount of caffeine (speaking of addictions…), and I’m getting excited. Allow me to get back on track.

Here we go. I knew I had a point, and here it is: you are a man with choices, agency, and the capacity to be great and to do great things with your life. The choice to rip out the trachea of addiction, curb stomp your unhealthy core beliefs, and bludgeon the face of shame is before you. To begin, or continue, this pursuit will be successful only if your drive is intrinsic. The path ahead is one of personal development, striving to become a man of integrity.

Regardless of where you’ve been, the atrocities you may have committed, and the lies about yourself you believe, you can make the decision right here, right now, to move in a new direction.

From the transformation I have experienced thus far, I can wholeheartedly confirm that it is worth the hard work and sacrifices. Will you or I ever be perfect? No. So what? Just because I’ll never be the world’s greatest guitarist doesn’t mean I should never try learning the guitar. There is so much life and joy to be had along the way.

THE MISSION

I’m on my own quest to grow into healthy masculinity. I want to challenge the societal norms and expectations surrounding manhood instead of continue to unconsciously accept and perpetuate them.

I will not view pornography/sex addiction as normal simply because it’s so common. I do not want to be a contributor to the objectification and dehumanization of women around the globe. I refuse to supply the appetite for sex-trafficking and abuse of women. I refuse to indulge in the hyper-sexualized culture of today.

I do not want to view women as a collection of body parts, existing for the sole purpose of my perverted gratification.

I do not want to be a slave to addiction.

I do not want to live a double-life.

I want to daily endeavor for the courage to operate from a place of integrity, regardless of what my peers do or say.

I want to discover and embody the truth of who I am and lean into a life of transparency and honor.

This is my story. I am nobody special; I am not an expert.

This is my journey, and I invite you to join me. You are welcome here.