Maintain the Pain

I want to hurt today

Don’t take my pain away

I’ve earned this misery

And it’s here to stay

Step back while I self-destruct

I isolate to contemplate

How I can embody the macabre

I’m entitled to feel this way

I don’t want a solution

Alone in the rain, I hang my head

I’ve got a hundred reasons to despair

A thousand voices screaming

Blackened tongues fill my mind with darkness

I will not listen to reason

Crimson thoughts paint my vision

Irrationality is my canvas

I’m perfectly malfunctioning tonight

What I need is connection

To know this too shall pass

Why do I want what’s worst for me?

Maybe the agony feels like home

Familiarity is safety

In spite of its perversion

Corrupt machinations aimed inward

Respiring melancholy

A black spotlight on me

A sole role, I’ll play the victim

Helpless and hopeless

I frustrate those around me

For I cannot be helped

I won’t allow salvation

Suffering is easy now

I’ve become accustomed to it

I’m enduring unique adversity

Nobody can understand

Layers of lies, festering deep

Why do I choose a vantage so bleak?

I must acknowledge my agency

Empowered from within

To take one small step forward

Without looking back

I long for the truth

Untangle my mind

Let me see reason

And pursue the divine

I am not my pain

I will not remain the same