Real Talk Update

So, I did a thing. Okay, it was several things.

This past week, I ran a little experiment for myself. First, a little background.

A Little Background

Five years into my recovery from sexual addiction, I’m happy to report I am 100% free from temptation. Yeah, not really. Would be nice, though, yes?

Reality is that temptations and triggers will forever be present. The goal in recovery is not to never be triggered or tempted. Ideally, I’ll become less and less affected by the same stimuli, but it will continue to show up no matter how healthy and whole I become.

Given that I still get frustrated by ongoing challenges, my best self is on the prowl for ways to improve resilience and decrease reactivity.

The Experiment

What I’m calling an “experiment,” is asininely simple. First, I identified the areas of my daily life during which I’m most prone to being triggered. This included freeway driving (think road rage), the gym (women in workout clothes), and work (again, women—but not in workout clothes).

Next, I considered the stimuli I could control in my environment. Fun fact: I have an unhealthy obsession with death metal. I often listen to it while driving…and at the gym……and at work. Hmm, noticing a trend here. Anyway, I thought I would die without it, but I replaced this assault of gutturals, shrill screams, and chugging down-tuned guitars with something else.

I instead saturated myself in a podcast by Faithful and True (a faith-based organization helping sex addicts and their spouses recover from addiction and infidelity). When I say saturated, I mean saturated. I listened to the podcast while driving, at the gym, and in the parking lot before walking into work.

Stupid simple, like I said, right? Well, to make it sound slightly more complex, I’ll note that this tactic was twofold beneficial. One, I was eliminating often unhelpful stimuli (death metal) that fueled agitation and anxiety. Second, I was filling that void with something edifying.

Okay, it doesn’t sound much more complicated. I tried.

The Results

I consider this past week an absolute win. While I don’t think I can keep up listening to a podcast whenever I’m in an environment of potential triggers, I learned the power of this strategy. Maybe I’ll think twice about blasting Slipknot on my daily commute, and listen to something a bit more tranquil. I can say I underestimated the effects of this experiment. I found myself generally more patient, more flexible, more optimistic, more energized, and more present. On the flip-side, I was less irritable, less critical, and less anxious. Most importantly, I was less tempted to visually consume scantily-clad women or slip into mental fantasy.

The Discussion

I’m sure there are other things I do which are familiar and habitual that are not good for me. Old habits die hard, and there can be peripheral facets that reinforce unhealthy rituals. Listening to aggressive music that gets me pumped up to lift heavy weight isn’t a terrible thing. Using this musical input to avoid painful feelings and set me up to be more easily triggered is, however, not the best move. Additionally, building up positive influence around triggering environments can be a great move.

What you focus on grows.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Phil. 4:8